Not a Wordless Night Anymore

I felt like I needed a reassessment of myself and my life in general, so I scrapped a list of 100 questions to ask yourself from Google. They are “100 Getting to Know You Questions,” from SignupGenius; I’ve looked over the questions and they seem all right, so I’ll give it a try:

1What’s the toughest decision you made today?

           Going to the convenience store with the worst headache ever just to buy a can of grape soda

2What’s the toughest decision you made this year?

Staying put with the relationships with others (more like trying not to hit people with chairs)

3What’s the toughest decision you ever made?

Not trying so hard to maintain my relationships with people

4What have you forgotten?

Remembering

5If you were guaranteed the answer to one question, what would it be?

This is rather corny, but will I ever stop thinking so much, or calculating so much when I’m around someone whose presence I appreciate?

6What’s it like being you right now?

Miserable. Nah I’m just kidding. It’s good. I’m not a person of high expectations, so I’m pretty much satisfied by everything. 

7What makes you nostalgic?

Long bus rides, good music, nights with full moon

8If you had two hours left on earth what would you do?

Shoot myself so that I wouldn’t have to witness the end of it.

9What’s the most beautiful word in the world?

I’ve never thought about this, but I really like the word ‘soft’

10Who makes you laugh more than anyone?

I have a friend called Lisa, whose company makes me feel as if I’m in a comedy show or something.

11What did your father teach you?

Do my best in everything.

12What did your mother teach you?

Run while I can.

13What’s the best gift you’ve ever given?

This is the hardest question so far- although I do have something in my mind that would be the best gift I’d ever give to someone, I’ll save my words for now.

14Best gift you ever received?

Letters. I love receiving and writing letters.

15How many times a day do you look in the mirror?

I guess, three? Sometimes eight?

16What do you require most in a friendship?

Similar interests

17If 100 people in your age group were selected randomly, how many do you think they’d find leading a happier life than you?

60? I am pretty satisfied with my life, but that’s only because I am honestly satisfied by very simple things.

18What is or was your best subject in school?

Currently Spanish. (This is so embarrassing, considering that I am taking a novice class)

19What activity do you do that makes you feel most like yourself?

Writing

20What makes you feel supported?

Being told that I’m supported.

21Whom do you secretly admire?

Not much of a secret, but Liszt

22What time of the day do you feel the most energetic and what do you usually do in those moments?

Around 11 to 1, and doing stuff like answering questions like these.

23What’s something you never leave home without?

Not surprisingly my phone. I even have withdrawal symptoms. I guess. 

24What’s a recurring dream you have?

Do not even get me started about dreams, because they are usually lengthy and very detailed, but sometimes I have the exact same dreams from years ago.

25What makes you feel safe?

Presence of people around me

26What’s the best thing that ever happened to you?

Finishing junior year, because high school is almost over

27What do you want people to say about you once you’re gone?

I just don’t want them to shit talk about me, that’s all. I should start being nice if I don’t want that to happen.

28What’s the coolest thing about science?

Physics wasn’t cool to me.

29What’s the best money you ever spent?

Money is totally worth it when you spend it on good food.

30What’s a bad habit you have?

I am really messy. I procrastinate a lot. I end up not doing stuff.

31What are you grateful for?

That I am totally done with physics, regardless of what I got for my end of year exams

32Whom are you envious of?

People who are not afraid to cut off what’s harmful to themselves

33What’s an image you’ll never forget?

The setting sun through the windows of MRT 

34Describe a near-death experience.

I am honestly very clumsy- I lose stuff, I fall a lot, I get hurt a lot- I nearly got hit by a motorcycle last week (now I get why the characters in films or books freeze before they encounter death by vehicle)

35If you had a clone, what would you have the clone do?

I wouldn’t make her do anything related to academic activities, because she’s my clone after all, but I’ll make her attend awkward social gatherings 

36What’s your idea of Heaven?

I honestly only believe in heaven because I’m scared of dying.

37What’s your idea Hell?

And when I encounter these kind of questions, I prefer not to think about life after death because honestly who wants to be tortured even after life.

38When did you know?

Five? That’s when I first realised life doesn’t go the way I want.

39What can you do better?

Trying. Stopping. Hmm. Working out more? 

40When are you most yourself?

I seem to act differently around different people; I’d like to know the answer to that question too.

41What superpower would you most like to have?

Transportation. Korean subways in the morning are the worst.

42If you were granted three wishes, what would you do with the second wish?

I’m pretty much always broke these days, so I’d like to be guaranteed eternal wealth.

43What is your actual superpower?

Non-stop eating

44If you won 100 million dollars, what would you buy first?

Cheese tarts. It’s 12 AM as I write this and I really want cheese tarts.

45What’s the best sound in the world?

Raindrops. (Only when I’m indoors)

46What’s perfect about your life?

I encounter people I perfectly hate and I perfectly can’t do anything about it.

47What song do you sing only when you’re alone and what memory does it bring back?

I sing when there are people around me. I don’t think I sing when I’m alone. Pretty much the reason why my friends refuse to go to karaoke with me.

48Describe a moment you were so embarrassed you wanted to disappear.

I was playing ping pong with this guy in my racquet sports class in freshmen year and the ball got stuck between my thighs. I still don’t talk to that guy.

49How many times a day do you think about money?

When I pass by food / anything else I want and realise I have like three dollars in my wallet

50Who has been the biggest influence on you in your relationship to money?

Mom (I wish she’d stop threatening me about how she’s going to cut off my allowances when I sleep-in, because honestly, sleep is the best)

51What’s one thing you’re certain of?

That I’m going to continue being stupid about who I choose as my acquaintances

52Describe one of your colossal failures.

I instigated a coup in my elementary school Chinese class. Don’t ask.

53What makes you cringe?

God, I’ve once said “I’ll make you like me” to someone, and my friends still bring that up. That was a year ago. 

54What does your inner voice tell you?

Do you really need friends?

55What crime have you considered committing?

Would I get arrested if I write it here?

56What’s great about your mom?

Her cooking.

57What’s great about your dad?

His sarcasm. I think I got mine from him.

58Which day would you gladly re-live?

June 12, 2014.

59What are you awesome at?

Being really cringe

60What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you?

Just not the Asian-girl-with-glasses stereotypes- quiet, smart, hardworking- like sorry to disappoint you?

61When were you most afraid?

When I had a dream about myself dying

62What are you terrible at but love to do anyway?

Singing. 

63What weapon would you carry during the Zombie Apocalypse?

Rifle, I guess. Seems like the most practical weapon.

64Which of your five senses would you keep if you could only keep one?

This is a hard one. Hmm. Taste. After all, I know how meat tastes like. I can’t just not have taste.

65What’s something you love to make?

Well-written letters.

66What do you cook better than anyone?

Cooking’s not my best expertise; once I baked a pan of brownies and I couldn’t cut through it.

67What do you wish you’d invented?

Pillows. I love pillows.

68What would you like to invent?

A door that brings people anywhere

69Out of 100 random people, where would you rank yourself in terms of your intelligence?

How would you define intelligence? 

70Where do you want to be right now?

Paris

71If you could be someone else for a day who would it be and why?

I’ve actually never thought about this; I like myself too much. I wouldn’t want to be anyone else. 

72What makes you feel powerful?

Not being to attached to anything

73What’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said?

I hope you end up taking the exam again next year. (And he did. I felt really bad.)

74What’s the meanest thing someone has ever said to you?

I don’t even want to think about this.

75What three words would you have on your grave stone?

It’s about time.

76What’s your first thought when you wake up?

How is it still not Friday

77What’s one thing you wake up to in the middle of the night worrying about?

That I’d somehow I’d be forgotten by everyone.

78If you could tell someone something anonymously, what would it be?

I can devise the worst ways to ruin someone’s life, but I’m just not doing it because it would somehow affect mine too. Oh, I’d also like to try slow dancing.

79Whom would you like to forgive and forget?

At the same time? 

80If you could get rid of one of your responsibilities today, what would it be?

Being a senior

81What type of person angers you the most?

Someone who lets his bad day affect others

82What is your greatest strength?

I forgive easily

83What is your worst weakness?

Anger management, being emotionally attached to people- God, I can’t even list all of them here 

84How do you show your love for others?

I buy them food (although I am reeeeally broke)

85Why are you here in this room right now?

I like the lamp here

86When is a time you forgave someone or were forgiven for something?

I was forgiven the same reason I forgave someone.

87What’s the biggest mistake you ever made?

Just one?

88What are you hiding?

My entire two years of middle school

89What’s your unanswerable question–the question you seem to always be asking yourself?

Why can’t I ever stop myself?

90What are you ashamed of?

88.

91What is stopping you?

My inability to handle the side effects 

92What’s a secret you have?

I secretly enjoy being cringe.

93How do you secretly manipulate people to get your way?

I don’t really try to manipulate people. I don’t care what they do, and I don’t need anything from them, as long as they don’t get in my way.

94When was the last time you apologized?

Today. I missed a family gathering and I felt bad afterwards because Dad really wanted me there.

95What is the biggest lie you tell yourself?

I’m satisfied with what I’m given

96What’s the moment you left childhood behind?

When I stopped thinking about all the paper cranes and nicely folded notes and hand puppets

97What’s missing from your life?

Excitement

98Do you believe in a higher power?

Like God? Guess not.

99What are you ready to let go of?

These questions. They took me two hours.

100What are you not saying right now

I am not a person of many words; even at this very moment I am trying to hold what I want to say.


It’s 1 AM now, and I think I’m done reflecting on my life, because jeez, some of the questions are really probing and they brought up things that I’d rather not remember. It was fun, I suppose, just not in a very good way. I don’t recall doing anything (except this long ass list) but the day went by fast and did lessen some insomniac madness to my night. Now I can’t wait to fall asleep.

Today’s Recommendation: Still my favorite, Liebestraum No. 3- Liszt

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